VK Wankers

Now these particular nause cunts really get up my tree!


No mate; you do not look cool walking around with to 2 varying flavours of that foul liquid in your hands. You, in fact, look like a twat,


I know how you think you look, your crazy little brain thinks you look like P Diddy quaffing two bottles of Crystal when in reality you just look like a fucking prick drinking a beverage that should really be aimed at 14 year olds. When I see one of these dickheads walking around with two VKs in their hands I automatically think this:

I'm particularly impressed when they put both bottles to their mouths and drink from them at the same time. You do have to give them credit there though; imagine how much of their tiny brain had to be utilised in order for them to raise two objects towards their face at the same time, they probably have to take brain power away from other necessary bodily functions and soil their underwear while they do it. If they managed to get both legs in separate holes.

I'm also impressed with the way they use these particularly sticky and stain creating drinks to spray fucking everywhere. All over everyone. That's exactly what we want mate, to be covered in a sticky, foul tasting, foul smelling kids drink. Yeah! Aren't you amazing. I wonder if they do that because after the two bottle mouth pour they no longer have the cranial capacity to stand in a crowd without having a stroke.

Move away from alcopops nause-boy and get one single drink of a grown up persuasion like the rest of us adults, the only people you impress are your mates, and to be honest, they're just and fucking twatty as you.

Fucking Vests!

Here we go again, I'm completely and utterly cunted off with people that think it's ok to wear a vest when the sun goes down. Listen nause cunts; it is not ok to wear a vest when it's night. It is particularly not ok to wear one to a nightclub. Do you realise what you look like?

I have cleverly disguised the person next to the Nause Cunt. He is now some sort of cat demon.

Check out this guy, not only is he wearing a fucking PINK vest, he also has Toms and Topman Wanker jeans turnups! This guy is the reason I feel the need to go out killing, it could only have been made worse by a fake tan. I imagine that's faded when this pic was taken. He looks like a fake tan cunt.

Does this guy leave his divorced mum's house in some sort of middle class suburb after looking in the leather bound Ikea-esque mirror in the hall and think "Yeah! Fuck Yeah! I look awesome!" ?

You do not look awesome, you look like a puff with a cleft wardrobe. Please stop, you're frustrating those of us that actually hate you.

People Carriers

Right! 
I understand that people carriers have a use, they are for carrying people. Mainly families.

Mate! It doesn't matter how loud you blast drum and bass/euro house/awful rnb with your windows down. Your car is unbelievably uncool, you look like a twat, you sound like a twat. Put your windows up, pick your kids up from the Transport Museum and shut up.

Just because life didn't turn out like you wanted; with a Bentley and gold leafed banisters in a terrible faux Tudor 6 bedroomer.

Also stop driving like a dickjob, you have your family on board, you're a dad, be responsible. Nause Cunt.

And put your top on, you look like a pikey in a Zafira topless. I refer you to a previous post: http://nausecunts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/top-off-in-public-place.html

@samstockmans and @JSimms_23 helped me out with this one

follow these boys on twitdog.

The "Sync" Button

If you're a proper DJ you'll understand.
The Sync tab should be made illegal, software developers that include this tab should be punished via a barbed wire encrusted dildo until they get the message.

This is all.

Summer Sunday Nob-Jobs

Now, my housemate Samuel (@byjest - twitter) has pulled up a good point, while I'm here having a rant.


Who are these absolute pussy flaps that get out of bed on a Sunday afternoon in the summer to go and stand in the beer garden of an all day party? These fucking gaylords spend hours reconstructing their hideous face with what appears to be limitless amounts of Laboritoire Garnier foundation and wearing the tightest low cut top they find and congratulate each other on how much "Gear" they did last night. No mate, you stuck an 8th of cake mix up your schnozz and went home to wank over your sister's dirty knickers because no actual woman will ever sleep with someone wearing more make up than she is.
You say you were up all night taking gear when really you were in your room with your mates wanking each off and then using the rest of the time to get ready so you can stand in the sun pouting with your fucking girl's drink - cider and black and desperately hoping Joey Essex will become your best mate. 'Cos let's face it, he must be your hero, you look like the fucking nause cunt.
Stop posing, order a beer and get pissed like everyone else pretty boy.

The women are just as bad! spend less time standing around posing and slagging the other girls off - who all look exactly the same as you - stop nursing that one glass of Rose you can afford and get a brandy and coke down your neck because let's face it, you'll probably have the dj/bouncer/barstaff/local tramp's cock down there later anyway so you need to get that shit numb.


Most of this rant came from Sam, I've just added a few bits in.

Toms

I absolutely fucking hate this particular type of footwear, I've said something similar before. I think they look like a sock stapled to a Ryvita. Some sort of school plimsole with down syndrome. Used pants Pritt-Stick'd to a door mat cut off. I could go on for ages.

Apparently whenever you buy a pair of Toms they give a pair to a child in a third world country. Surely they'd appreciate a fucking pie and chips rather than these slippers with Parkinsons. I don't think they need any more wells, me and my housemate are convinced you can't move in the third world for wells. Just stop giving them wanky footwear and wells. I want to start a charity "Pie and Chips for Africa"

My main gripe with these "shoes" is the type of absolute knob job that wears them, these people think it's acceptable to wear a low cut top (which we will address later) and a scarf *(also will talk about this later) and stand in their trendy out of town bars, fake tanned up to the nines - no names mentioned - posing and pouting like absolute queers. I'm a gay, that is no secret but even I draw the line at how much makeup I will wear. None.

Toms should be banned and anyone caught wearing them after they've been banned should be slapped to death with a single Tom covered in dog shit.

*In the middle of summer. Fucking TWATS!

Top Off In A Public Place

Now I have to be honest, it's not just Topman Wankers that will feature heavily in this blog, chav scumbags will also be rearing their ugly heads from time to time, yesterday while the sun was out this thought occurred to us outside Club S7ven in Coventry. Bearing in mind it was only 18 degrees Celsius.


"Why is it these fucking Chav scum-hole nobbers have to take their tops off in public whenever the sun pops itself out from behind the clouds?"

Now, don't get me wrong, we have all taken our top off in public but it is only socially acceptable in 4 places; ever! So take note nause cunts, unless your top is off in any place other than the four listed below; you look an absolute twat. Nobody wants to see your skinny, pasty crack addict-like body. Put it away and get that fucking staffy on a lead before it attacks another child on your council estate. Will you also stop walking around in tracksuit bottoms. They are called a "Tracksuit" for a reason, you wear them to train at the TRACK! Not when you are in Argos selecting your next Elizabeth Duke sovereign ring.

The only four places it is acceptable to take your top off in public are:-

• By the pool
• On the beach
• In the park in HIGH summer with your mates, a few beers and a barbecue
• In bed

End Of.