Toms

I absolutely fucking hate this particular type of footwear, I've said something similar before. I think they look like a sock stapled to a Ryvita. Some sort of school plimsole with down syndrome. Used pants Pritt-Stick'd to a door mat cut off. I could go on for ages.

Apparently whenever you buy a pair of Toms they give a pair to a child in a third world country. Surely they'd appreciate a fucking pie and chips rather than these slippers with Parkinsons. I don't think they need any more wells, me and my housemate are convinced you can't move in the third world for wells. Just stop giving them wanky footwear and wells. I want to start a charity "Pie and Chips for Africa"

My main gripe with these "shoes" is the type of absolute knob job that wears them, these people think it's acceptable to wear a low cut top (which we will address later) and a scarf *(also will talk about this later) and stand in their trendy out of town bars, fake tanned up to the nines - no names mentioned - posing and pouting like absolute queers. I'm a gay, that is no secret but even I draw the line at how much makeup I will wear. None.

Toms should be banned and anyone caught wearing them after they've been banned should be slapped to death with a single Tom covered in dog shit.

*In the middle of summer. Fucking TWATS!