Deep House

It's not new, it's been around since the early 90s and the format hasn't really changed that much either. Stop patting each other on the back about your amazing 'new' trendy discovery.
This is all.

Groups of "lads"

Now, it's been a while so I've got a biblical amount of rage to release, I'll try and keep it as low key as possible.

Lads. the term "lad" just reminds me of the typical chino wearing, Toms sporting buffoon that simply cannot help themselves but get as much alcohol into their system as is manageable by any living human being. This then gives said "lad" permission (in their own tiny little lizard brain) to act like a Parkinson's riddled medieval court jester that's had a stroke. Spraying their verbal diarrhoea and VK blue absolutely everywhere. It allows them to do silly things like take their tiny little t-shirt off on dance floors nationwide and have a good old scrap. This chaps; is embarrassing. I particularly love the Facebook bragging the following day. Well done. Pillock.

"Lads" are the type of guys, when in their groups; that will buy a bottle of Grey Goose between all 8 of them and then take turns posing for photos in a shameful, and unsuccessful attempt at looking like a big shot (mainly for the next day facebook bragging fiasco).

I personally think that groups of young men that number more than three should be banned, and those that break the law are to be taken to the nearest iceberg and set afloat at pace. Imagine all the above multiplied by 8 or more, and the cretinous behaviour doubles because they egg each other on making incomprehensible primate like grunts and shouts while doing so.

Come on Cameron, let's have a law that we can all benefit from............

Grammar

Now; I don't profess to be the greatest and most accurate writer on the planet and yes I do make mistakes but I simply must have a rant about morons who do not use punctuation or know the difference between the way certain words are written depending on their meaning.

*Please don't point out the deliberate mistakes in the picture, if you don't get irony you're going to have a bad time. Also you're a fucking moron.

I particularly don't like people that post incomprehensible babble on their Facebook pages, these people are normally some form of nause cunt that I've already covered earlier in the blog, it's almost as if it actually HURTS them to write things correctly, how can a human being be so stupid and/or ignorant that they simply cannot grasp Year 3 English language. More to the point why would anyone allow themselves to be so incredibly thick? It's almost like they've had a stroke and can only write half of what they actually want to.

Either way I feel the need to rant about that age old point of whining. The difference between there, their and they're, so I shall once and for all show the useless plebs what the meanings are; because clearly they can't pick up a dictionary. Also: thrown in some others that constantly annoy me.......

There - In or at that place - "Over there"

Their - This is possessive - "Their House"

They're - Short for They Are "They're all thick useless nause cunts captain"

Too - In addition to something "John! There's too many retards that don't know the difference between 'to' and 'too' the useless gobshites."

Two - It's the fucking number, surely that's not hard

Your - A possessive case of the word You - "Is that dribble coming out of your thick fucking face?"

You're - Shortened version of You Are - "You're a proper useless nause twat aren't you?"

And please learn. for fuck's sake, how to use an apostrophe, it's possessive and can be used to join two words. Just read this post, if you can, there's enough examples throughout.

This is only the tip of the iceberg as far as I'm concerned but I appreciate that many of you have busy lifestyles; I think you get the drift.

Two more things, anyone that EVER confuses the word "our" with "are" should be culled at pace and if I ever hear anyone actually use the word "Swag" in a normal conversation I will personally remove their teeth one punch at a time.

One Direction can get to fuck as well. Rant complete.

Paul's Boutique

What ho! Yes, women and girls can also be a nause cunt, lord knows we all have a few acquaintances that fit into that catergory.

Now the one thing I have noticed about this particular brand is that it's mainly worn by chav tree-pigs absolutely caked in makeup trying to glam up their otherwise very plain lifestyles (think a homeless Katie Price and you have your average Paul's Boutique customer)

The one thing that always get's me is how the owner of a PB product genuinely believes they are highly original, you are not you nause cuntette. Every item of PB's kit is manufactured en-mass in sweat shops in the far east, there are thousands of other women with exactly the same bag/coat as you. On the up side it means you're not the only person stupid enough to pay that price for something that Wayne Rooney glued together in his crafts class (which he normally has after his sippy cup and nap time).

You look like a giant walking billboard and you are happy to pay a fucking fortune to be an advertisement for the brand, this Paul fellow must be shitting himself laughing at you. Imagine the design meetings;

Designer: "I have a great idea for a new bag Mr Paul!"

Paul: "Ah, don't worry, just glue any old shit to a Tesco bag for life, these cunts'll buy anything"

Take it off, turn down the makeup and have a think about what you do next. Preferably stay in and sort your fucking head out.

Wicker Shoes

Now most people will conjour up an image of wicker shoes like this.........

You'd be very wrong, some nause cunts have decided to start wearing wicker shoes. Actual, proper shoes made from the same stuff they use on the bottom of hot air balloons. Yes indeed, they have starting making fashion items out of wicker.

Who the fuck wants to wear a couple of baskets on their feet. Just because some designer says "ooh these are fashionable" the average nause cunt by default simply must wear them. I've actually tried a pair on and they are the most uncomfortable things I've ever had around my feet and I've trodden in dogshit bare footed guys. What's next trousers made from hay? Pants made out of spiders eggs? What is wrong with these people.

"Ooh look how original I am with my shoes made from hedgerows" no mate, you look like you stole Worzel Gummidge's slippers. Take them off, put on some proper shoes and have a long hard think about your life you fucking absolute mong.

Mustard Chinos

Now! Who the fucking hell thinks these look good? I'd just about lost my rag with the standard baby's vomit chinos, but mustard? Holy fucking hell.


The type of nause cunts that wear these usually combine it with a burgundy top, now I fully agree that the two colours go really well with each other (on hotel walls and in Dulux paint combos) but on a fucking person? Are these people mentally ill? They look like some sort of Mr Kipling pudding.


I kid you not, I actually saw two of these wankers the other day, one had the mustard chinos and burgundy top and the other one had the mustard top and burgundy chinos. Did this pair not think it might be a good idea to split up rather than walk around looking like the dyslexia twins? As if it could any worse, they had fucking red Toms on, both of them. I reckon they must have been sucking each other off while applying their make-up and selecting this absolutely yogi bear of an outfit. Nause Cunts.


I despair at the world sometimes.


I have many more rants on the way, hold tight people.........

VK Wankers

Now these particular nause cunts really get up my tree!


No mate; you do not look cool walking around with to 2 varying flavours of that foul liquid in your hands. You, in fact, look like a twat,


I know how you think you look, your crazy little brain thinks you look like P Diddy quaffing two bottles of Crystal when in reality you just look like a fucking prick drinking a beverage that should really be aimed at 14 year olds. When I see one of these dickheads walking around with two VKs in their hands I automatically think this:

I'm particularly impressed when they put both bottles to their mouths and drink from them at the same time. You do have to give them credit there though; imagine how much of their tiny brain had to be utilised in order for them to raise two objects towards their face at the same time, they probably have to take brain power away from other necessary bodily functions and soil their underwear while they do it. If they managed to get both legs in separate holes.

I'm also impressed with the way they use these particularly sticky and stain creating drinks to spray fucking everywhere. All over everyone. That's exactly what we want mate, to be covered in a sticky, foul tasting, foul smelling kids drink. Yeah! Aren't you amazing. I wonder if they do that because after the two bottle mouth pour they no longer have the cranial capacity to stand in a crowd without having a stroke.

Move away from alcopops nause-boy and get one single drink of a grown up persuasion like the rest of us adults, the only people you impress are your mates, and to be honest, they're just and fucking twatty as you.